Living a New Normal is like Swimming Upstream

September 2017 was a turning point in my parental journey. My two kids were no longer living at home. They were beginning their new journeys into adulthood.

My son left home and joined the Marine Corp in 2016 but this summer my daughter was leaving home to do missions work for 9 months. I was becoming an empty nester for the first time. I knew the change was coming for my family but it is hard to prepare for all the emotions that come with this new normal.

We said goodbye to our son who was going on his first deployment over seas and a couple months later said goodbye to our daughter who was going to do missions work on three different continents. Both of my kids were going to be out of the country. My husband and I were going to be in an empty house and back to just us again.

When my husband and I took our daughter to Parent Launch, which is really, when we had to say goodbye to her and she “launched” us into our new normal is when I felt like I had a lot of new space in my life. This reality pushed me to search and question many things. What was my purpose now? Am I doing what I love? Should I consider a new career? Where do I go from here? How was I going to fill this new space? What was next for my husband and me? Did we have a future to look forward to that was as awesome as the last 20 years raising kids? I honestly did not know. All these emotions and questions running through my brain it was exhausting.

Because of this new space/emptiness, I felt the urge to seek God in a way that was so much more intentional than ever before. I wanted to feel cradled in his love. I craved God in a new way. I wanted him to fill the new space in my life, as I want to know him increasingly more than ever before. In doing this, I began to realize that following God is a lot like going against the flow of what is popular but it is the most important thing I need to do. I began my new empty nester journey, which felt like swimming up stream, going against the flow.

For many years, I have just kind of gone with the flow of life. I got in a routine with our family’s church, work and school schedules and went through the motions of our day to day tasks as if we were on a boat floating down the river trying to balance the boat, keeping it pointed down stream to reach our next destination. At some point, I began to acknowledge the reality that we were going to need to dock the boat. Let our kids out so they could get in their own boats taking them each in their new direction. In my mind, my husband and I would remain on the boat, continue to keep it afloat and mosey on down the river once again. However, what really happened was God told us to get out of the boat we were use to and step into a new boat that was given the task of heading upstream. In general, I do not embrace change quickly or a new way of thinking quickly but whether I was ready or not we emptied our old boat, and together just the two of us stepped on a new boat heading upstream as our kids were in their own boats floating away on their own God planned journeys.

I realized as I was heading upstream this new normal would require a different me, a new way of thinking. My motivations for working began to change. I no longer was motivated to do my job well to help support my family. I wanted to move up in my thinking (spiritually and professionally), grow into a different role that will support others not just keep doing what I know and am comfortable doing on a daily basis.

I needed to become a parent of young independent adults who are very capable of making their own decisions and standing on their own. I am still learning how to communicate with my adult children. Listen more, talk less! This transition is not as easy but it is happening and I am so thankful.

I am moving to Upstream Thinking. I want to speak truth from the heart even if it is not popular. I want to be the best educator I can be while remaining true to my beliefs. I am enjoying more time with my best friend, my husband. Our new space has allowed for some deep conversations, and lots of time just hanging out together.

God is not finished with me yet. My upstream journey is just beginning. My thinking is changing and I am so thankful.

Seeking God is the most important thing you can do.

I challenge you to join me in Upstream Thinking.